Why I REALLY hate election time

Okay. So, I understand there are basically two sets of people in this country: those who trust in the individual to do the right thing by society and those who do not. Check.

And those two sets of people will NEVER agree with each other. Understood.

Here's what I don't understand: why do people feel the need to broadcast their political views as if they were some of evangelists?

To be quite honest, when I hear someone shoot their mouth off about Obama it makes me a bit more sympathetic toward McCain. Conversely, when I hear someone who is a conservative speak, I become more sympathetic toward democrats.

So, hey you toeing the party lines. I'm a very cynical person. Anything you do or say makes me go the other way with it. I think I have some sort of psychological problem with authority.

But, you makeshift biennial political pundits feel a need to belong to something that overrides your true self and makes you less of a person.

So, let's call it even.

How about if we both try shutting up for three more days?

All right then. On your marks...get set...

...shut up!

Stupid letters number I forgot: Fleet

Customer Relations
C.B. Fleet Company, Inc
4615 Murray Place
Lynchburg, VA

Dear Sir or Madam,

My wife says I have a problem. Although I'm male, I question my freshness.

As the producers of feminine wash, deodorant spray, powder and cleaning cloths for females, I can't help but notice the absence of products for males in your portfolio. Possibly there are some products in the feminine area that men may use as well? My stinky area of concern would be that "south of the border" if you know what I mean.

I would greatly appreciate your help. I'm hesitant to contact you via phone because I am quite embarrassed by this problem. Please send any information you may have via postal mail.

Thanks,

Mike Canespu

Their response:



Dear Mr. Canespu,

Thank you for your recent correspondence concerning Summers Eve products. We appreciate hearing from our consumers, and are always looking for ways to improve our products and services.

You had asked about whether we currently manufacture masculine hygiene products. Unfortunately, we do not currently manufacture a masculine line of products. However, we would suggest to you that products such as Summers Eve Feminine Wash do eliminate body odors without leaving a feminine-type fragrance on the skin. We do appreciate your suggestions, and will forward those suggestions to the appropriate personnel, including our Executive Officers.

C.B. Fleet Co., Inc is committed to producing only the highest quality of products. We trust that your experiences with Summer's Eve products will meet your expectations and be your brand of choice. Enclosed you will find coupons good for future purchases of our products.

Sincerely,

Donna H. John
Technical Information Coordinator
C.B. Fleet Company, Inc.

Sticky Money Crisis

Uh huh.

Desparation blog

Ya know, you would think I feel some sort of desperation or something, just because tomorrow I turn 40 years old.

As a skinny white guy...statistically, I am more than half way through my life now.

Nope, I feel fine.

I don't feel a longing for my youth.

I'm really a man now.

Flookie!

Hah! I made you read a goofy word.

Noomieeeeewanna!

Did it again!

I even made you read this...

Word!

Hah, made you read a word again.

Try and not read this:

Blarbie!

Gotcha again!

Ok, gotta go.

I guess I better go work on getting old and dying now.

Bye!

*sniff*


Flooomiedonkawannaflormiedoodledonkiediddles!

We may not be grown up...

...but at least we're immature!



Yep.

The sweet innocence is becoming...

...a thing of the past.

So you have some context; when my kids get helium filled balloons, we "let them go" outside after a day or so and we stare into the driveway for 5 minutes or so and watch them fly into the sky until they disappear.

It's like anti-gravity littering, which can't be as bad.

This weekend, my family threw a surprise party for me and gave me a whole bunch of big, silvery mylar balloons. So, this morning, we were letting them go outside:

8 year old: "Wow, those balloons are shiny!"

Mick: "Yeah, these kind reflect the sun and you can see them from way far away."

5 year old: "Oh two of them are splitting apart and got a divorce!"

8 year old: "Dad, how far away are they now?"

Mick: "Probably over the highway."

8 year old: "Some guy is going to be driving on the highway and see those balloons and say 'what the hell is that!?'"

I corrected her. I'm blaming the whole thing on my brothers staying for the weekend.

So, today I was chuckling about this to myself. That ain't too bad if my kid hasn't spoke a single adult foul word until she was 8 years of age.

I gave myself a pat on the back.

Then, later, I was checking out the files on the digital camera...

...and I found blurry pictures of bare 5 and 8 year old fannys.

I erased them faster than you could say "grand jury trial".

Please help me.

Ain't gonna happen...

I am very fortunate to work at a community college where I bump elbows with a wide demographic spectrum of people.

Many of these people are young adults. I find myself straddling the two roles:

I serve as a source of guidance to the people who truly do not have their shit together. And there are quite a few of those. I'll spare the detail.

But, I also find myself impressing upon young people that being out in the working world and having responsibility doesn't necessarily mean you have to lead a boring life or abandon things that you did when you were younger. If anything, clinging to these kinds of things helps you less resent the responsibilty that life thrusts upon you.

Case in point; as I type this, I have a splitting headache and my ears are ringing, because I went to a club until 1am to see one of my favorite ska/punk acts. And, I got a little boozy and woozy in the process. I was the 3rd oldest person there and was (for sure) the only guy drinking chardonnay at the bar.

Back in September, I was standing on the registration line to help a student register into the last available slot in a chemistry course. They let me bypass the line, but I always feel "elitist" and guilty about doing this. So, I was standing next to a young man who was wearing a T-shirt with The Briggs on it. I struck up a conversation with him about how I saw The Briggs at a club when they opened for The Toasters. Dude didn't quite expect to hear this from a guy with greying hair wearing dockers and a button down shirt. he was a nice guy.

Back to last night; a guy with a red dyed mohawk approaches me at the Mustard Plug show.

"Do you teach at Sinclair?" he asked.

"Yeah." I replied.

"I'm the guy with The Briggs shirt!".

"Hope you don't have an early class tomorrow". I said.

We shook hands. Not the regular way, but the cool way with the thumbs extended upward.

And we agreed that Mustard Plug friggin' rocks!

So, as I approach 40, I thought it was maybe a time for me to start to mature and conserve myself a bit.

Give up cycling road racing? Ain't gonna happen.

Stop going to see rock bands at clubs mid-week? Ain't gonna happen.

Grow up? Ain't gonna foopin' happen.

Done typing now? Gonna happen.