On last year’s New York trip I seized a bored moment to alert the town of Newark Valley of my feelings about the banking industry’s business practices.
Whelp, it seems that Visions Credit Union was ready for my visit this year. A quick check of the marquis shows only the letter “L”. Calling me a “loser” are they? The wily bastards! Well…they have crummy rates on 5 year CD’s! And, I don’t need them anyhow!
You see, serial marquis sign-changers don’t hit the same location every year. That’s like, totally no class, man. So this year, I did some recon and I have Newark Valley High School scoped out. The sign, which sets right off highly trafficked route 38 currently states:
JV – Varsity Sports Practice Begins August 13
This has gotta have enough letters for a really silly combination. Or maybe even something meaningful? Nah, let’s go with silly. I need your help. Got any ideas? I am planning a mission this weekend before I go to the Adirondacks to hide from the authorities.
Now it’s time for the frequently asked questions portion of this blog:
FAQ:
Mike, isn’t this disrespectful to the property of the high school?
Yes.
Mike, shouldn’t you act a little more your age?
What happens if you get caught? Couldn’t you get in trouble?
Hey, if you can’t do the time, you shouldn’t do the crime. If I get caught and slapped with a trespassing charge, I’ll call my Dad to bail me out. No, make that my brother. I owe him one. Then I’ll just hope that my boss doesn’t read the police-beat section of this town’s local newspaper The Daily Cornhole.
Enough questions! I must now proceed with my mission as planned. I feel marquis signs are a vastly underemployed channel by which we can all express our thoughts and feelings. I believe deeply in this.
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