New Life

I still mourn the loss of Gus the asparagus shoot and prospects of my impotent asparagus patch seemed fruitless. But today, I am given a new reason for living. Today my asparagus patch gave birth anew. I recently noticed a new big, fat purple shoot pointing ever so firmly into the air. Just look at this honker...eh?




Anyway, I think I'm going to name this one "Richard" the asparagus shoot. Coincidentally, that's also my boss's name. He rose out of the ground right next to poor Gus's dead, limp remains. He's looking mighty strong. I'm going to cut him off in a day or two. Then, I'll store him in the fridge in a jar. Hopefully there will be some others to join him soon. But, I betcha they won't be as big, fat and long as this one is. Wow!

TMBG and Me

I am going to the They Might Be Giants show.

I am going to the They Might Be Giants show by myself.

I am going to the They Might Be Giants show by myself on a Wednesday night.

I am going to the They Might Be Giants show by myself on a Wednesday night in Pittsburgh which is at least 4 hours away.

I am going to the They Might Be Giants show by myself on a Wednesday night in Pittsburgh which is at least 4 hours away and I'll have to come up with a believable excuse about why I need to leave work so early on Wednesday.

I am going to the They Might Be Giants show by myself on a Wednesday night in Pittsburgh which is at least 4 hours away and I'll have to come up with a believable excuse about why I need to leave work so early on Wednesday as well as come in to work so late and possibly hung over on Thursday.

I am going to the They Might Be Giants show by myself on a Wednesday night in Pittsburgh which is at least 4 hours away and I'll have to come up with a believable excuse about why I need to leave work so early on Wednesday as well as come in to work so late and possibly hung over on Thursday and I'm worried about my car getting me there because it may be on it's last legs.

I am going to the They Might Be Giants show by myself on a Wednesday night in Pittsburgh which is at least 4 hours away and I'll have to come up with a believable excuse about why I need to leave work so early on Wednesday as well as come in to work so late and possibly hung over on Thursday and I'm worried about my car getting me there because it may be on it's last legs but who gives a shit because I just bought my ticket and I'm jacked.

Addendum to Gus Post

I came in to work one day last week and was greeted by a sympathy card hanging from my office door.

It was one of those self-made MS Publisher cards. On the front it read "In loving sympathy" with a picture of a bunch of asparagus. Inside was a touching quote. Not to mention the signatures and comments of many of the people who work in my department. Many of them expressed their sympathy for my recent loss of Gus the Asparagus Shoot. On the back was a picture of a cartoony asparagus guy.

It's great to work in public service where none of your co-workers are pressured by the profit incentive and they have the freedom to do this kind of thing.

Thanks guys.

Spare Gus!

I am having a bad year with living creatures. Cat died a while back, got some people in my life who are ill and now I'm trying to nurture an asparagus patch in this cold weather. All in all, I've had a pretty rough time achieving organism.

Last spring I decided I wanted to grow something. I love asparagus. Even despite the smelly pee thing. So, I bought a whole bunch of asparagus roots off eBay. I got the fancy purple asparagus. It actually grows purple! Then, when you cook it, it turns green.

*Which sort of defeats the purpose because if you serve it to someone cooked it's just like regular asparagus and you have to just tell them it was purple. Or save them one that wasn't cooked to show off what it looks like before & after.*

Anyway, they came in the mail in a big box. It felt sort of strange paying $28 for a big box full of dirt and roots. But I was so excited nonetheless. I went outside in the middle of the night, put on the floodlights and dug a big rectangular plot in the back yard.

*This made the neighbors nervous because they know I'm Italian and they probably already suspect I'm in the mafia.*

Afterward, I went to Home Depot and bought some good dirt. Ya know, the kind in bags that's even dirtier than regular dirt. I planted the roots down deep. And with Mr. Miyagi-like patience I let them grow for a year and die. Cus, you're supposed to just let it grow for a year to establish it.

Well, now it's the second year when I can start harvesting the shoots when they pop up in the spring! Well, lemme tell ya, I had this big, fat one popping up about two weeks ago. He was glorious and quite verile. I was so impressed with him I named him; Gus, the asparagus shoot. Gus was way ahead of his peers who were still in the ground and lemme tell ya, he was quite a stout guy. I'd check on him every day as he'd poke further up into the air. I became so obsessed with his progress that I almost started to question my sexual orientation.

Yeah, but then this cold weather came and I just couldn't save him. I tried to cover him up but I found him dead this morning. He was all limp and flaccid and laying on the ground. Now I grieve for him. I miss you Gus. You were quite literally a groundbreaker.

Why did you take Gus God? Why!!!!?????