Chemical Mix-Ups

When you are a chemist, certain things drive you nuts. I'd like to barium.

What kinds of things, you ask? These things:

"Don't go outside in the rain or you'll melt!"

When water touches sugar, it dissolves, damn it. Dissolves! Assuming the sweet thang you are referring to is made of cane sugar or table sugar, which is also referred to us lab coat wearing geeks as sucrose, you have to heat it in order to melt it, not add water. Melting is the transfor-freaking-mation of something between the solid and liquid states in it's pure form. And according, the The Handbook of Chemistry and Physics, which is nestled firmly in my lap as we speak, sucrose melts at 185-186 degrees Celsius, which in normal Fahrenheit temperatures is, pretty friggin' hot!

"Lactating"

I don't really know why production of breast milk is called lactating. From what I can tell, the most prevalent single ingredient of breast milk is lactose, the sugar that is in dairy, not lactate, which is the negative ion of lactic acid, the product of anaerobic respiration.

So, I think breast feeding mothers should be lactosing and not lactating. Bike racers, when riding above their lactic acid threshold are the ones that build up lactic acid in the bodies and feel pain in their legs. During a race, when a teammate rides up to me in the peleton and asks how I am feeling, I usually tell him I am lactating, and now you know why.

Maybe there is something I am missing, because I was not breast fed as a child. And maybe that's actually why I am so cranky.

Cholesterol

Cholesterol is not cholesterol. What I'm saying is what we call cholesterol are actually lipoproteins. And because I'm getting tired, I'm not going to explain very fully. Cholesterol proper is a 4 ringed structure that is very vital to making your cell membranes strong.



But, when you have high cholesterol, it doesn't mean you can just shun everything in your diet that has a lot of cell membranes, like shrimp for example, which has a lot. My Dad proved this when he decided to not eat anything that had cholesterol in it and his cholesterol shot up so high that the doctor said his blood type was "gravy". I think he said his cell membranes felt strong, as hell, though.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is, we should use the proper term and when you get your cholesterol checked you should be getting your lipoproteins and triglycerides checked. I threw triglycerides in there without prior mention but I wrote a whole blog about triglyceride on fat Tuesday.

So, I think I am done now. Thanks for listening.

Bye.