Wally

This sounds weird to say, but I was almost pleased to come in today and find a voice mail from my buddy Wally's daughter informing me of his passing. He passed away Thursday, May 1st.

If you remember, I visited him the saturday prior and he was quite uncomfortable. So, it was comforting to know he didn't suffer much longer.

I was referred to Wally by my friend Eric who was also visiting residents at St. Leonard Assisting Living Center in Centerville. He told me "I had to meet this guy because he was from Buffalo".

Welp, I'm sure glad I did. His last name was Schutrum. When I first met him, he showed me memory tool to help pronounce it. He pointed his index finger at me like he was shooting a gun and then switched into the motion of drinking a shot of alcohol. Hence "shoot-rum". I later found out he lived about 2 blocks from me when I lived in Kettering.

So...fellow Buffalonian & U.B. grad, scientist, neighbor. It was fate is suppose.

Here's a photo from last summer.

and his obit from the paper.

Rest in peace, Wally. You're a special guy.

Walter Schutrum

News Death Notice

SCHUTRUM, Walter (Wally) L. Born in Buffalo NY. He passed away on Thursday, May 1st, 2008 at the Hospitality Home East of Xenia. Preceded in death by his beloved wife Mary E. Schutrum of 59 years. A WW II Veteran, Wally was a Staff Sergeant in the US Army Air Corp from 1942 to 1945. He received his Engineering degree from the University of Buffalo, NY. Through his career he was an R & D Engineer with numerous patents. Wally and Mary resided in the Kettering area since the early sixties. He was a member of the Engineers Club of Dayton. Wally loved playing racket and hand ball as well as attending the Kettering Recreation Center. He is survived by his son and daughter-in-law Donald and Marsha Schutrum, daughter and son-in-law Mary Beth and Fred Pitzer; grandchildren Gina Kiser, Duane and Debbie Schutrum and Daryl Schutrum as well as great grandchildren Krystal and Jeffrey Kiser and Kaitlyn Schutrum. Wally has donated his body to the Wright State University School of Medicine's Anatomical gift program. A memorial service will be held 10:30am, Fri., May 16, 2008 at St. Francis of Assisi Parish, 6245 Wilmington Pk., Centerville, OH.

Random Friend De Jour

I always get that "pit in the stomach" sort of lonely feeling when I take trips.

Today, I was in the car driving a bit south of Louisville and I swear as soon as the thought "I'm so bored" went through my mind, it happened...

My crotch vibrated.

Cus, that's where I keep my phone when I drive.

It was another "random friend" sending me a text message.

And tonight, time was wayyyyyyyy on my side because I had another 4 hours left in the car.

This one worked out well. No harsh words. I think I scared this person off with genuine "wierdness".

Random Person: Ha tori its me richard please text back

Me: Hi dick!

Richard: Who is this?

Me: My name is Thaddeus 'stretch' kinowski, sr.

* Phone rings, I don't answer *

Richard: Who is this?

Richard: Who is this?

Me (20 minutes later after the I-65 rest area): I just went potty!

Random Person: This isnt richard

Me: But you said it was! Why you gotta be like that?

Random Guy: This is his bro he used my fone

Me: Oh sorry bro. When he gets back, would you tell him I just bought tickets to goat fest 2008 and I was wondering if he wanted one?

Richard's Bro: I dnt live at his house u can call him at *******

Me: Oh, groovy a liscious!

Richard's Bro: lol k then

Feeling lonely? Get Virgin Mobile cell phone service.

The 50+ mpg car

Yeah, I used to have one, fifteen years ago.

I've owned three cars in my life. My second one was a 1988 Honda CRX HF. It was a tiny little two-seater. It looked like this:

Actually, this photo makes it look kind of big next to that house. But it isn't.

It was a stick shift powered by a 1.5 liter engine. On the horsepower scale, this ranks somewhere just ahead of a sewing machine. It could barely pull my ass around when I was a tubby 165 pound college boy. But, I shit you not, on a road trip I kept track of the highway mileage and I did better than 50 miles to the gallon. And, that was through the hilly terrain of upstate NY! It only had an 8 gallon tank. One time I remember back when gas was less than a buck a gallon and I filled the thing up for less than 8 bucks!

So, why don't they make cars like this today?

I think it's because this car doesn't fit the way people drive. You had to baby this thing. With this machine, accelerating to 70 mph took some planning and required a lot of give and take that people do not like to exercise on the highway. They generally want to jockey back and forth in and out of lanes, and accelerate towards the next stop light even though it's red.

Ya know, in case there's a caution flag.

Gas will soon go to $4. Ya know why? Cus, we're talking about it.

So, if you need a gas sipper to get you by until this whole crisis is over, you can buy one of those hybrids, or just find a late-80's/early 90's Honda CRX. Make sure you get the HF and not the SI. The SI is a real gas hog at 35 mpg.

Bye.

Cinco De Mayo

I called my best buddy Chris today and wished him a happy Cinco De Mayo as I do every year.

Not because he's Mexican, but because that's a very special day for us.

Thirteen years ago we were in our mid-20's and I had just moved to Dayton, having just gotten my first (and probably last) career job at the college. That weekend, it was my turn to drive up to where he lived in Bowling Green, OH. It's the closest he's lived to me since we both grew up in upstate NY and met at a house party.

Anyhow, we had one of "those nights" on Cinco De Mayo thirteen years ago in Bowling Green.

Ya know what I mean?

It was one of those nights where we drank copious beers while playing golf. During which, we purposely tried to hit a supply shed off the drive of the 18th hole instead of the fairway after disabling the governor on the golf cart so it went extra fast and blew smoke out the back. Then we went to his apartment and drank some more beers.

It was one of those nights where we stumbled upon the fact that it was Cinco De Mayo and decided it was our mission to go to Chi Chi's for some more cocktails?

It was one of those nights where we drank more at Chi Chi's and started asking the bartender if she would give us the big, over sized styrofoam sombrero that read "Tecate" sat atop the head of a mexican life sized cardboard cutout of a mexican dude?

It was one of those nights where we heckled the bartender for the big funny styrofoam hat until she finally gave it to us so we'd get the hell out at closing time after staying wayyyyyyy too long?

It was one of those nights where we went out to the strip in Bowling Green to the late night college bars and took turns wearing the big huge styrofoam hat and basking in the attention as people noticed and laughed and made funny jokes and called us "Speedy Gonzalez" and things of that nature?

It was one of those nights where we stayed until the late night bars closed and then as we were walking down the street a guy made a wise crack to my friend Chris and he dropped the hat on the sidewalk and did a Mexican "hat dance" to show how serious he was about playing the part of the guy with the huge styrofoam sombrero Tecate promotional prop hat?

Yep one of those nights where we...well, weren't sure how we made it home.

That night will stay firmly engrained in my memory. What there is of it.

Chris doesn't drink any more. That's okay, because I'm done with nights like that. I'll take the phone call instead.

Happy Cinco De Mayo everybody.

It's all part of the plan

Nice picture huh?

Well, yeah, except the guy in the blue sport jacket is holding his right arm in a funny position.

Does he know what he's doing?

Oh yes.

And he also knows he has photo editing software at home.

BWOOOOO HOOO HA HA!

Is anybody reading this? Comment please.

Give my ass some comment love!

You can make 'em anonymous if you're shy.

But, throw a blog a bone once in a while.

You want a what for who?

I got an email from a friend I haven't heard from in maybe 6 months.

Hey what's up stranger? So I don't have your other email address, could you please send it to me. I work Thursday if you get out.

* Rut Roh. Somebody wants somethin' *

Hey I needed to ask you for a favor.

* Ding ding ding! *

My sister recently decided to go back to college. She's doing great and has awesome grades, she's trying to get into the Radiology program, but there's a long wait. They're supposed to start doing admission by grades and then she may be bumped up on the list. Her counselor suggested a letter of recommendation, but she doesn't really know anyone there well enough. So I told her I could ask you.

I've never met this sister. So, how in blazes can I write a letter of recommendation for someone I've never met? I dunno. Anyhow, I thought about avoiding the situation by not replying. But that would be so cliche. After all, anyone can not reply. People are experts in non-reply. Where's the sport in that? So, I choose to go against the grain of society and over-reply!

I wrote this letter of recommendation:

Statement of Recommendation

For Jessica’s Sister

I’ve never "personally" met Jessica’s sister before. But, I hear she wants to go to college.

Over the course of time I didn’t know Jessica’s sister, she did a lot of good things. Jessica tells me she has twin girls and a good GPA and she is really good at balancing school and the kids. I mean, she doesn’t literally balance the kids. That would be dangerous.

Currently, Jessica’s sister is on a long waiting list for the radiology program. Please consider this a formal request to bump her into the number one spot so she can go to school and zap people sooner. Jessica works at a bar, and I’m hoping this favor will get me a free beer. I don’t know if Jessica’s sister is hot. But, I think her husband will agree with me that Jessica isn’t very hard to look at all. So, maybe that runs in the family? I guess what I’m saying here, is like, please help a brother out, man.

Given this, I would strongly recommend that Jessica’s sister be placed at the numero uno spot on the waiting list and to hell with everybody else. If you have any further questions regarding Jessica’s sister, please feel free to contact me at any time. I’ll go to the bar where she works and ask questions about her and get back to you as soon as I sober up.



Michael Canestaro
Professor, Chairperson
Beer Can Analysis Department
Drunken State University


Just sent it to Jessica.