You want a what for who?

I got an email from a friend I haven't heard from in maybe 6 months.

Hey what's up stranger? So I don't have your other email address, could you please send it to me. I work Thursday if you get out.

* Rut Roh. Somebody wants somethin' *

Hey I needed to ask you for a favor.

* Ding ding ding! *

My sister recently decided to go back to college. She's doing great and has awesome grades, she's trying to get into the Radiology program, but there's a long wait. They're supposed to start doing admission by grades and then she may be bumped up on the list. Her counselor suggested a letter of recommendation, but she doesn't really know anyone there well enough. So I told her I could ask you.

I've never met this sister. So, how in blazes can I write a letter of recommendation for someone I've never met? I dunno. Anyhow, I thought about avoiding the situation by not replying. But that would be so cliche. After all, anyone can not reply. People are experts in non-reply. Where's the sport in that? So, I choose to go against the grain of society and over-reply!

I wrote this letter of recommendation:

Statement of Recommendation

For Jessica’s Sister

I’ve never "personally" met Jessica’s sister before. But, I hear she wants to go to college.

Over the course of time I didn’t know Jessica’s sister, she did a lot of good things. Jessica tells me she has twin girls and a good GPA and she is really good at balancing school and the kids. I mean, she doesn’t literally balance the kids. That would be dangerous.

Currently, Jessica’s sister is on a long waiting list for the radiology program. Please consider this a formal request to bump her into the number one spot so she can go to school and zap people sooner. Jessica works at a bar, and I’m hoping this favor will get me a free beer. I don’t know if Jessica’s sister is hot. But, I think her husband will agree with me that Jessica isn’t very hard to look at all. So, maybe that runs in the family? I guess what I’m saying here, is like, please help a brother out, man.

Given this, I would strongly recommend that Jessica’s sister be placed at the numero uno spot on the waiting list and to hell with everybody else. If you have any further questions regarding Jessica’s sister, please feel free to contact me at any time. I’ll go to the bar where she works and ask questions about her and get back to you as soon as I sober up.



Michael Canestaro
Professor, Chairperson
Beer Can Analysis Department
Drunken State University


Just sent it to Jessica.