When I tell people I'm from New York and they hear that I don't speak with the same twanginess of the native Ohio folk, they assume I'm from New York City.
Well, fogget about it!...I'm from New York and I grew up a country hick. And I think that's a good thing.
I grew up in a town...no, wait, I didn't grow up in a town. I grew up in an area that is so rural, one of my neighbors had a junkyard. I could run around naked in my backyard and no one would ever see me to call the cops. And by the way, I have and...they didn't!
For the past two years, in the next town over, my sister-in-law's father has a vacant double-wide. He lets us stay in it, whenever we want, for as long as we want. And I've met the guy once before he consented to this. He refuses to accept any money. I'm forced to leave him some cash in an envelope to pay the propane bill...last thing before we leave. Sure, we had a mouse or two in there. And a frog. Oh, and a snake. But it was a baby snake. Ah, no worries it was worth it!
This year, I told my sister-in-law I'd go crazy without internet because I have to get on eBay...uh, I mean...do work stuff. One phone call and her sister (who I've met maybe 3 times) is insisting that I come over to her house every morning where I can sit on the porch with my laptop and use their wireless internet.
These are examples of a very little known thing called "northern hospitality". Sure, we northeast people are a little high strung. See, watch...YAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! But once we trust you, we'd give an arm or leg for you. Unfortunately, we are sometimes labeled as these rude, surly A-holes. For that, go south and east and stop when you smell garbage. Upstaters, much to the contrary are simple folks and if you give us a chance, we like you.
I'm also looking forward to a change of scenery. Nothing against where I am in life but I feel like I might be stuck in a rut...stuck in a rut...stuck in a rut....stuck in a rut.
Newark Valley, New York is about to experience a population surge of 0.4%.
Cock-a-freakin' doodle doo!
Friday, July 27, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Houston, We Have a Drinking Problem!
NASA shaken by sabotage, drinking claims
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. - America's space agency was shaken Thursday by two startling and unrelated reports: One involved claims that astronauts were drunk before flying. The other was news from NASA itself that a worker had sabotaged a computer set for delivery to the international space station.
"It's going to shake up the world, I'll tell you that," retired NASA executive Seymour Himmel said of the latest news. "There will be congressional hearings that you will not be able to avoid."
Seymour, I think you're overreacting a bit. I don't see the harm in having a few cocktails before a long space flight for the following reasons:
1) Space is an easy target to hit. If you can't put a space rocket in drive, hands at 10 and 2 o'clock and point that sucker into the general vacinity of space, your alcohol content is probably too high to be alive.
2) There's no way you're gonna get pulled over.
3) In 1971, Alan Shepard demonstrated that you can pee your space suit. No big whoop.
4) They are wearing helmets.
5) They have several days to sober before they have to try to hit the hard target; the little runway in the desert while they are doing 219 mph.
Everyone is always trying to spoil a party.
Let 'em have a few "launch beers" for crying out loud!
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. - America's space agency was shaken Thursday by two startling and unrelated reports: One involved claims that astronauts were drunk before flying. The other was news from NASA itself that a worker had sabotaged a computer set for delivery to the international space station.
"It's going to shake up the world, I'll tell you that," retired NASA executive Seymour Himmel said of the latest news. "There will be congressional hearings that you will not be able to avoid."
Seymour, I think you're overreacting a bit. I don't see the harm in having a few cocktails before a long space flight for the following reasons:
1) Space is an easy target to hit. If you can't put a space rocket in drive, hands at 10 and 2 o'clock and point that sucker into the general vacinity of space, your alcohol content is probably too high to be alive.
2) There's no way you're gonna get pulled over.
3) In 1971, Alan Shepard demonstrated that you can pee your space suit. No big whoop.
4) They are wearing helmets.
5) They have several days to sober before they have to try to hit the hard target; the little runway in the desert while they are doing 219 mph.
Everyone is always trying to spoil a party.
Let 'em have a few "launch beers" for crying out loud!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
False Alarm
Today I kinda whiffed on work and did some hill training. I have a road race with some mighty big hills on August 4th.
Anyhoo, I went down to my favorite hill training area, a little south of Corwin. There's a road there; Wilmington, Rd. It climbs a monster hill that is about a mile long and averages about 15% grade. It's got a switchback in the middle where it kicks up to 25%. It has earned the nickname "The Beast" amongst the cycling community in SW Ohio.
Oh yeah, I thought Corwin was the most cyclist-unfriendly community in the world. I have a friend who had a McDonald's Big Mac thrown at his back from a passerby vehicle while riding there. I myself (because I am myself) have had several people share their opinions of my riding on the roads in that area. These insightful criticisms range from "fag!" to "get on the bike path!". There's a bike path in Corwin. But, it ain't got no hills that you can train on. Hoo boy. Don't get me started...
So, today, I'm about half way through my third rep of The Beast and I hear this loud vehicle behind me. It honks at me. I brace myself as I envision the Big Mac special sauce and diced onions splattered all over my back. I've seen Super Size Me, portions are big now, and I'm envisioning the big welt that will result from the Big Mac that will strike my buttocks at high speed.
It's a clunker pickup truck, circa 1978. There's a guy in it and he's holding his big, fully tattooed arm up at me, to signal me something.
As I await his middle finger sticking up at me, I see that he's actually giving me the "thumbs up" sign. Then he proceeds to pump his fist at me as if to say "good job, skinny spandex guy".
Sometimes, the most unlikely of people understand cycling.
Good job yourself, clunky truck guy!
Anyhoo, I went down to my favorite hill training area, a little south of Corwin. There's a road there; Wilmington, Rd. It climbs a monster hill that is about a mile long and averages about 15% grade. It's got a switchback in the middle where it kicks up to 25%. It has earned the nickname "The Beast" amongst the cycling community in SW Ohio.
Oh yeah, I thought Corwin was the most cyclist-unfriendly community in the world. I have a friend who had a McDonald's Big Mac thrown at his back from a passerby vehicle while riding there. I myself (because I am myself) have had several people share their opinions of my riding on the roads in that area. These insightful criticisms range from "fag!" to "get on the bike path!". There's a bike path in Corwin. But, it ain't got no hills that you can train on. Hoo boy. Don't get me started...
So, today, I'm about half way through my third rep of The Beast and I hear this loud vehicle behind me. It honks at me. I brace myself as I envision the Big Mac special sauce and diced onions splattered all over my back. I've seen Super Size Me, portions are big now, and I'm envisioning the big welt that will result from the Big Mac that will strike my buttocks at high speed.
It's a clunker pickup truck, circa 1978. There's a guy in it and he's holding his big, fully tattooed arm up at me, to signal me something.
As I await his middle finger sticking up at me, I see that he's actually giving me the "thumbs up" sign. Then he proceeds to pump his fist at me as if to say "good job, skinny spandex guy".
Sometimes, the most unlikely of people understand cycling.
Good job yourself, clunky truck guy!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Intra-Vino
What I was hoping to avoid this year: Tour De France scandal.
It seems Alexandre Vinokourov (a.k.a "Vino") tested positive for blood doping after turned in an amazing performance in this weekend's time trial. What was truly amazing was the fact that he was really suffering the day prior. Apparently, it was too amazing to be true.
http://sports.yahoo.com/sc/news?slug=ap-tourdefrance-vinokourov&prov=ap&type=lgns
What's especially ironic is the fact that all the riders signed a contract committing to "A new era for cycling" in which they agreed not to do this shit.
Too bad. I liked these guys. It was really unique that a team hailed from Khazakstan. I loved the powder blue uni's.
Nobody could put it in perspective better than Dave Stoller in the 1979 movie Breaking Away :
"Everybody Cheats. I just didn't know."
It seems Alexandre Vinokourov (a.k.a "Vino") tested positive for blood doping after turned in an amazing performance in this weekend's time trial. What was truly amazing was the fact that he was really suffering the day prior. Apparently, it was too amazing to be true.
http://sports.yahoo.com/sc/news?slug=ap-tourdefrance-vinokourov&prov=ap&type=lgns
What's especially ironic is the fact that all the riders signed a contract committing to "A new era for cycling" in which they agreed not to do this shit.
Too bad. I liked these guys. It was really unique that a team hailed from Khazakstan. I loved the powder blue uni's.
Nobody could put it in perspective better than Dave Stoller in the 1979 movie Breaking Away :
"Everybody Cheats. I just didn't know."
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Thanks Be To Whatever
Today was absolutely gorgeous. Nice cool breeze coming out of the north. Sun, and lots of what I like to call "Simpsons" clouds in the sky. Ya know, the puffy ones like the intro to the Simpsons?
I took a long bike ride to burn off my hangover. Good stuff.
I was up near North Charleston and there's a spot on the rail trail I can see corn fields for miles. Very beautiful. That got me to thinking...
Like some, I'm not going to sit here and act like I know. But I have a very strong gut belief that there is some sort of supreme being that put all this stuff here. And all this stuff ended up creating this beautiful stuff and also created me. Yes, it also created stuff that caused bad stuff; war, mean people, disease, American Idol.
But overall, I'm quite happy with this universe. I think I'll stay here.
Maybe I should just say "thanks" more. Just in case anything's really up there listening. And maybe "hi" wouldn't be a bad thing to say either. I try to talk every night. But, what I say ends up sounding like a Christmas wish list..."please help so and so and so and so...". I'm going to continue to do that, because I know a lot of so and so's that need some help...ya know, in case anybody's listening.
Did you ever have a family member or friend that only talks to you when he/she needs something? Shit. That's what I've become lately. I know I appreciate when people say hi to me, or thank me for something. So, if something's up there listening...maybe "It" feels the same way.
And if no one really is listening, I have a delusional gut feeling that makes me feel like I have a friend to talk to. Like Big Bird had with Snuffalupagus. I think it's a win-win.
Right Snuffy?
Ahhhhh! Snuffy never answers either!
I took a long bike ride to burn off my hangover. Good stuff.
I was up near North Charleston and there's a spot on the rail trail I can see corn fields for miles. Very beautiful. That got me to thinking...
Like some, I'm not going to sit here and act like I know. But I have a very strong gut belief that there is some sort of supreme being that put all this stuff here. And all this stuff ended up creating this beautiful stuff and also created me. Yes, it also created stuff that caused bad stuff; war, mean people, disease, American Idol.
But overall, I'm quite happy with this universe. I think I'll stay here.
Maybe I should just say "thanks" more. Just in case anything's really up there listening. And maybe "hi" wouldn't be a bad thing to say either. I try to talk every night. But, what I say ends up sounding like a Christmas wish list..."please help so and so and so and so...". I'm going to continue to do that, because I know a lot of so and so's that need some help...ya know, in case anybody's listening.
Did you ever have a family member or friend that only talks to you when he/she needs something? Shit. That's what I've become lately. I know I appreciate when people say hi to me, or thank me for something. So, if something's up there listening...maybe "It" feels the same way.
And if no one really is listening, I have a delusional gut feeling that makes me feel like I have a friend to talk to. Like Big Bird had with Snuffalupagus. I think it's a win-win.
Right Snuffy?
Ahhhhh! Snuffy never answers either!
Monday, July 16, 2007
Roid Rage
Poor Barry.
http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=sh-bonds071507&prov=yhoo&type=lgns
He's a widdle mad he's not seeing the bally-ball so good. He needs a nappy-nap.
I needed another reason to visit the sports bar this summer. I love watching him strike out because he's such a quality individual. And of course, there's the preferential treatment he gets because he's so close to breaking a frigging record. Statistics are sometimes the ruin of sport.
I admit it. His failure is my success. Thanks Barry.
http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=sh-bonds071507&prov=yhoo&type=lgns
He's a widdle mad he's not seeing the bally-ball so good. He needs a nappy-nap.
I needed another reason to visit the sports bar this summer. I love watching him strike out because he's such a quality individual. And of course, there's the preferential treatment he gets because he's so close to breaking a frigging record. Statistics are sometimes the ruin of sport.
I admit it. His failure is my success. Thanks Barry.
Monday, July 9, 2007
Holy Cow!
I'm so sick of reading studies that can't solve anything because their focus is too narrow. Case in point:
LONDON (Reuters) -
Manners aside, getting cows to burp less can help reduce global warming.
Using modern plant-breeding methods to find new diets for cows that make them belch less is a way to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, scientists said on Monday.
The key is developing new varieties of food that are easier for cattle to digest and also provide a proper balance of fiber, protein and sugar, said Michael Abberton, a scientist at the UK-based Institute of Grassland and Environmental Research.
This could open up plant-based solutions as alternatives to reducing stock as farmers look for ways to cut methane emissions amid warming climates, he told a briefing on farming and climate change at London's Science Media Centre.
He noted the average dairy cow belches out about 100 to 200 liters of methane each day, making diet changes a key potential factor in reducing this greenhouse gas.
Agriculture is responsible for about seven percent of UK greenhouse gas emissions and a large proportion of two of the most potent gases with 37 percent of methane and 67 percent of nitrous oxide.
Greenhouses gases are widely blamed for causing global warming. Scientists say average temperatures will rise by between two and six degrees Celsius by the end of the century, causing droughts, floods and violent storms.
Abberton said introducing easier-to-digest legumes that tend to reduce methane emissions is an example of an approach scientists are beginning to explore. Legumes such as clover and alfalfa are commonly used for animal fodder.
It also requires farmers to balance cows' legume intake with other food and to develop different species of grass that are also more digestible, he added. "What I'm saying is there are approaches within plant breeding that can lead to reduced emissions," he said.
Talk about catastrophizing a situation! This is the agricultural equivalent of the Chicken Little story. Only here, belching cows are the nut that fell on Chicken little's head and made him think the sky was falling.
How many cows are there in the UK? Multiply that times 100-200 liters and you have...nothing compared to the amount of methane produced by swampland and ponds.
When I visit the pond near my Dad's house I've seen him collect a liter of methane in a global hot minute by disturbing the plant life underneath and collecting the bubbles that rise up in the water. It's methane all right. You can light it and it burns.
Here's how you get a grant: identify a problem that scares everyone poopless (global warming) and propose a way to fix that specific problem, no matter how impractical or expensive.
If cows could read this, they would all be mad.
LONDON (Reuters) -
Manners aside, getting cows to burp less can help reduce global warming.
Using modern plant-breeding methods to find new diets for cows that make them belch less is a way to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, scientists said on Monday.
The key is developing new varieties of food that are easier for cattle to digest and also provide a proper balance of fiber, protein and sugar, said Michael Abberton, a scientist at the UK-based Institute of Grassland and Environmental Research.
This could open up plant-based solutions as alternatives to reducing stock as farmers look for ways to cut methane emissions amid warming climates, he told a briefing on farming and climate change at London's Science Media Centre.
He noted the average dairy cow belches out about 100 to 200 liters of methane each day, making diet changes a key potential factor in reducing this greenhouse gas.
Agriculture is responsible for about seven percent of UK greenhouse gas emissions and a large proportion of two of the most potent gases with 37 percent of methane and 67 percent of nitrous oxide.
Greenhouses gases are widely blamed for causing global warming. Scientists say average temperatures will rise by between two and six degrees Celsius by the end of the century, causing droughts, floods and violent storms.
Abberton said introducing easier-to-digest legumes that tend to reduce methane emissions is an example of an approach scientists are beginning to explore. Legumes such as clover and alfalfa are commonly used for animal fodder.
It also requires farmers to balance cows' legume intake with other food and to develop different species of grass that are also more digestible, he added. "What I'm saying is there are approaches within plant breeding that can lead to reduced emissions," he said.
Talk about catastrophizing a situation! This is the agricultural equivalent of the Chicken Little story. Only here, belching cows are the nut that fell on Chicken little's head and made him think the sky was falling.
How many cows are there in the UK? Multiply that times 100-200 liters and you have...nothing compared to the amount of methane produced by swampland and ponds.
When I visit the pond near my Dad's house I've seen him collect a liter of methane in a global hot minute by disturbing the plant life underneath and collecting the bubbles that rise up in the water. It's methane all right. You can light it and it burns.
Here's how you get a grant: identify a problem that scares everyone poopless (global warming) and propose a way to fix that specific problem, no matter how impractical or expensive.
If cows could read this, they would all be mad.
TD F-in F!
It's the Tour De Friggin' France!
I know the world doesn't give a toss about pro cycling. But, you can't kill a blog for trying...
This year's tour has a lot of interesting story lines. One of the favorites, Alexandre Vinokourov (Vino), was dicked out of competing last year because half of his team tested positive for performance enhancing substances. Because a team has a minimum number of riders with which it must start the race, Vino was sent packing despite being in top form. For this reason alone I'm pulling for him. After this scandal many of the team sponsors checked out and Vino used his resourcefulness to lobby for more sponsorship. The government of Khazakstan partly sponsors his team (Astana). That's somewhat strange for a sport that is largely dominated by western Europeans. Aslo, his team has drawn the attention of Borat, who as we know, hails from Khazakstan. We won't mention his sister.
This year, my heart lies with the American Levi Leipheimer. Part of me is pulling for him because he's a "home town" boy in a European sport. But, he's unlike the last two American champions (Lance and Floyd) because; a) he's largely underrated and b) he's relatively modest. I think because he lacks flash, no one has ever really given him a chance to win. This year, his team (American based Discovery Channel) signed him but with the intention of supporting the team's star, Ivan Basso. Whelp, as fate would have it, Ivan is a fraudulent blood doper and will be forced to watch this year's tour on Time Warner cable.
Poor guy... *heavy sarcasm*
So, Levi has taken his spot (by default) as Discovery's team hopeful to win the tour. Levi and his wife also run a charitable organization for abandoned animals which is a welcome change to Floyd Landis, who runs his mouth.
Levi wants to ride himself into form late into this tour. He's a great time trialist (can ride well in the two stages where riders are timed by themselves against the clock) and he also excels when the road heads upwards. I'm hoping he makes a good showing when the tour enters the mountains in about a week or so.
You can check in at http://www.letour.fr/ It's a great event because it runs almost every day for the next three weeks.
No one is giving Levi a chance to even make the podium. I always love an underdog.
I know the world doesn't give a toss about pro cycling. But, you can't kill a blog for trying...
This year's tour has a lot of interesting story lines. One of the favorites, Alexandre Vinokourov (Vino), was dicked out of competing last year because half of his team tested positive for performance enhancing substances. Because a team has a minimum number of riders with which it must start the race, Vino was sent packing despite being in top form. For this reason alone I'm pulling for him. After this scandal many of the team sponsors checked out and Vino used his resourcefulness to lobby for more sponsorship. The government of Khazakstan partly sponsors his team (Astana). That's somewhat strange for a sport that is largely dominated by western Europeans. Aslo, his team has drawn the attention of Borat, who as we know, hails from Khazakstan. We won't mention his sister.
This year, my heart lies with the American Levi Leipheimer. Part of me is pulling for him because he's a "home town" boy in a European sport. But, he's unlike the last two American champions (Lance and Floyd) because; a) he's largely underrated and b) he's relatively modest. I think because he lacks flash, no one has ever really given him a chance to win. This year, his team (American based Discovery Channel) signed him but with the intention of supporting the team's star, Ivan Basso. Whelp, as fate would have it, Ivan is a fraudulent blood doper and will be forced to watch this year's tour on Time Warner cable.
Poor guy... *heavy sarcasm*
So, Levi has taken his spot (by default) as Discovery's team hopeful to win the tour. Levi and his wife also run a charitable organization for abandoned animals which is a welcome change to Floyd Landis, who runs his mouth.
Levi wants to ride himself into form late into this tour. He's a great time trialist (can ride well in the two stages where riders are timed by themselves against the clock) and he also excels when the road heads upwards. I'm hoping he makes a good showing when the tour enters the mountains in about a week or so.
You can check in at http://www.letour.fr/ It's a great event because it runs almost every day for the next three weeks.
No one is giving Levi a chance to even make the podium. I always love an underdog.
Saturday, July 7, 2007
State Road Race
Course profile for today's Ohio State Road Championships:
Oy! Who says Ohio doesn't have hills.
4 laps of this in the peak heat of the day. Sometimes it pays to be a bone monster.
Bringin' lots of bananas in my cooler!
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Where did I go?
Check this out:
NEWS
IBM retains Kroll Inc. to provide credit monitoring service
IBM is offering a comprehensive identify theft protection service to a specific group of current and former IBM employees whose personal information was included on data tapes inadvertently lost while being transported by a vendor. This service, called ID TheftSmart™, will be provided by Kroll Inc. IBM will provide the service for a full year at no cost to the participant. Those eligible are being notified by mail.
I got a letter at my Dad's house informing me of this. That's where I was living in the summers of 1989, 1990 and 1991. I was a summer co-op working in the surface science department at IBM Endicott, NY. I was staring at the monitor of an electron microscope all day to determine different modes of failure of tiny microcircuits. It was like living in a tiny miniature world of computer circuit lines. Kinda like Tron.
Trust me, the only thing in my life that hasn't changed since then is maybe my height and my social security number. But, I'll take advantage of another corporate goof-up and parlay it into a year of free identity theft protection. Because among a gazzilion other things, identity theft is something that scares me.
And therein lies the irony: Someone might want to steal my identity when I barely want it for myself? Now that would be rich. LOL!
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