Houston, We Have a Drinking Problem!

NASA shaken by sabotage, drinking claims

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. - America's space agency was shaken Thursday by two startling and unrelated reports: One involved claims that astronauts were drunk before flying. The other was news from NASA itself that a worker had sabotaged a computer set for delivery to the international space station.

"It's going to shake up the world, I'll tell you that," retired NASA executive Seymour Himmel said of the latest news. "There will be congressional hearings that you will not be able to avoid."

Seymour, I think you're overreacting a bit. I don't see the harm in having a few cocktails before a long space flight for the following reasons:

1) Space is an easy target to hit. If you can't put a space rocket in drive, hands at 10 and 2 o'clock and point that sucker into the general vacinity of space, your alcohol content is probably too high to be alive.

2) There's no way you're gonna get pulled over.

3) In 1971, Alan Shepard demonstrated that you can pee your space suit. No big whoop.

4) They are wearing helmets.

5) They have several days to sober before they have to try to hit the hard target; the little runway in the desert while they are doing 219 mph.

Everyone is always trying to spoil a party.

Let 'em have a few "launch beers" for crying out loud!