Dayton, OH is 18th most dangerous city. Woot!

It's time for the 7th annual Most Dangerous Cities List.

And the winner is...

*machine gun blasts to simulate drumroll*

Detroit Michigan!

My current place of employment, Dayton, Ohio, came home 18th this year according to the Morgan Quinto Awards.

Am I proud of this? Well, it does make me feel like tough guy every time I make it back from walking to the post office. But otherwise, no, I don't feel good about it. In fact, I feel very un-good about it.

So, because I'm also writing this for AC and I get paid small amounts of money if I answer specific questions, it then leads me to wonder: "How can my city improve it's ranking?" and "How can I write about this in more than 400 words?". These questions burn deep in me like a pit of fire or some other analogy that might get me to 400 words more easily.

Well, I have some very, very innovative ideas about how Dayton can improve it's ranking next year. If these ideas are implemented, it will surely nudge it's way downward to pass Richmond, Va. (a.k.a "goodie-goodie land"). Moreover, it will easily require me 400 words or more to explain because I just drank 3 beers.

Reverse Panhandling: Have you ever walked through downtown Dayton and been approached by panhandlers asking for some extra change? This is caused by a term I call "economic desperation". That means people are desperate. Economically. This is the type of feeling one has when he/she has no money and it leads to violent offenses such as robberies, muggings, assualts, drive-by shootings, eggings, thefts and many other crimes that might get me above 400 words more easily.

But imagine with me now: what if the process were reversed? What if employees of the city approached these desperate people asking them if they needed spare change? I call this reverse panhandling or "RP". I think RP would lead these desperate people to lead much happier lives and moreover, might encourage other like-minded people to move to Dayton!

Another derivative of RP includes reverse prostitution. However, this idea will not be discussed here because it has the same acronym as reverse panhandling and all nifty ideas must have their own unique acronym.

Be Nicer: Unsubstantiated studies have shown that violent criminals are not nice people. Have you ever thought that maybe this is because no one was nice to them in the first place? The next time you see someone about to rob a bank (you'll recognize them because they will be wearing a ski mask or one of those "Groucho Marx" glasses, nose and mustache kits), go up and give them a hug. I bet you they will abort mission, right then and there!

Talk to People Who Are Talking To Themselves: Many city dwelling folk carry on conversations with themselves. Talk to them. That way they won't get in an argument with themselves, which could lead to violent crime.

And there you have it. Go Dayton!

Now, can I have a dollar, man?