So You Want To Climb Mt. St. Helens?

I'm doin' it with my best buddy Feb 2nd. I mean climbing Mt. St. Helens you perverts! We were supposed to climb Mt. Hood. But, I have no mountaineering experience and I don't want to be the newbie dill-hole that gets us all killed. So, we downgraded to St. Helens this year. Next year, maybe Hood.

Since all truth is found on the Internet, I tried to inform myself on this matter. I found a web site that has enlightened me. Maybe, too much.

So You Want To Climb Mount St. Helens?

Hell yeah!

Ummmm...are those people higher than clouds? I'm afraid of heights. I have a hard time cleaning my gutters. Would this be a problem?

Mount St. Helens is an active volcano in southwest Washington State and the central feature of the Mount St. Helens National Volcanic Monument.

A-a-active volcano? What if it erupts? Nah, it would never erupt. And if it does, it's just "duck and cover", right?

Most climbers use the Monitor Ridge Route from Climbers Bivouac. This route gains 4,500 feet in five miles to the crater rim at 8,365 feet elevation. Most climbers complete the round trip in seven to twelve hours.

4,500 feet elevation over 5 miles, which is 5,280 feet times five is 26,400 linear feet, or 17 % grade = me a total idiot for saying yes to this and buying plane tickets.

While climbing to the crater rim is permitted, entry into the crater is strictly prohibited.

If I make it up there alive, I'm going to bring a beer and drink it up there. I need way more than one beer before I enter any thing's crater.

Pray for me.