Friday, September 7, 2007

Tuned Out

As I get older I am starting to see some changes in myself. Luckily, most of these are not yet physical. Thank God because I'm really dreading the day that I fart when I pee.

I'm trying to become a bit smarter in my thinking. Slowly, I am learning to ignore things who's fate I cannot control. Paying attention to these things are a waste of energy. I do enough of that, to the tune of 8,500 calories a week.

So, I'm going to try my darnedest to ignore the following energy-sapping activities which have a propensity for making me go Coo-Coo for Cocoa Puffs:

Sports:

College football: My Cinderella story came true last week when the Appalachian State Goobers defeated the University of Michigan Meat Heads. It's all downhill from here.

Pro sports: My Buffalo Bills have not lost a regular season game yet! The Mets are in first place. The Celtics signed Kevin Garnett. I'm going to pretend all of these seasons are over and script in my own imaginary endings...with unicorns and leprechauns thrown in there to make it extra exciting.

Nascar: Ummm...I never watched this. Yeah. And if I did, I would never admit to it publicly. So, I'm not going to watch it any more.


Politics:


I don't know much, but I know I've lost respect for both the Demicans and the Republocrats. I just abhor the negativity of this stuff. The debates make me angry and when they are over I'm not sure who I'm even angry at. If I want to watch people argue, I'll go watch the parents at a pee wee football game.

During the debates and the campaign, I'm going to do something more productive, like thumb-wrestle with myself. Then I'll tune back in a week before the elections. If all of the candidates have not assassinated each other or become the subject of a wide range of sex scandals, I'll listen for innovative and novel ideas such as how we's gonna eliminate that pesky federal budget deficit. Or, maybe someone might explain why we still make pennies. If I don't get an answer to either of these, I'm takin' off another four years.

Thanks for listening. Gonna go poke my head in the sand now.

La la la la la la la la...*covering ears*


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