Hospital Sprawl

It might sound corny, but I like corn fields.

I don't like hospitals.

When I was a kid, we spent a lot of time in corn fields. It was fun. No one can find you in a corn field.

When I was a kid, I also spent a significant amount of time in hospitals. It sucked. No one can find you in a hospital either, thanks to HIPAA.

But, ya know what really sucks? When a hospital expands to where a corn field used to be.

We've all seen this with shopping malls. Here in Dayton, we have a brand new mall. It's called "The Greene". Notice the "e" on the end. The space occupied by The Greene used to be all trees, which makes it not very...green. Now it's a parking lot and shops. It's nice though. As a matter of fact, I am deathly afraid to go there because I think I might stop hating it. My favorite book store has a location there. There's a cool coffee shop, a bike shop, a comedy club, Victoria's Secret. What's not to like?

I'll tell ya what's not to like; it isn't necessary.

So, how about the new satellite medical centers, magnet hospitals, etc? Are they necessary? Maybe. But I'll tell you one thing, the hospital where my eight year old was born went out of business. So, hospitals must not be that much in need.

I liked that hospital. The birthing room had hardwood floors. I remember focusing on them when I was ready to pass out while my wife was in labor.

Anyhow, these medical centers are branching out into the 'burbs. They aren't quite full blown hospitals. But, some of them have emergency rooms. It must be emergencies make lots of money.

Some of them have strange names that insinuate bad things. For example "Sycamore Hospital". "Sycamore" just sounds awful bad if you say it. It sounds like; "I went to the hospital sick, and I came out Sycamore!". Sycaless would be better. Or "Southview" hospital. That sounds like a place for colonscopies. And I really wish they wouldn't name a hospital a "memorial" hospital. That means it's named after someone who died. I don't think we need to be reminded of that. These things should be named something that sounds a little more positive; like "The Doctor Feelgood Medical Center" or something.

So...malls cause sprawl, hospital medical centers cause sprawl. What if these were consolidated into a big medical mall? That way, the old-timers could walk laps around it at 6am and window shop for their next colonoscopy.

It sounds corny, but it might just work.