Beer + Tools = I'm So Hetero!

So, I had a weak moment this week when I watched the Olympic Gymnastics Champions Gala, and this left me wondering about my failures to prove my manhood.

Well, Rarrrr! Today I rode 80 miles in the heat. I didn't even stop! Well, except when there was this big, scary 3 foot snake on the rail trail and I stopped for a couple of minutes to let him go by. Oh, and when I stopped in South Charleston to fill my water bottle with Faygo Redpop. That's just because it's all the vending machine had. I swear!

I also got stung by a bee right above my left eyebrow where the skin is really sensitive and thin. But, I didn't even barely know it happened when it hurt and stung like crazy...

...because I'm tough!

Then, when I got home, I cracked me a brewski. Yeah. I didn't put any fruit in it or anything. I drank it straight out of the can. Then I drank, like 3 more.

* Uh! I wish I could burp. *

And I started working on my new bike:




Yeah...she's named after a woman. Uh, I mean a chick. Well, I named her Nana 2.0 after my grandma who died this year. She was a big huge influence in my life.

* God, I miss her...sniff *

Uh...anyhow, to save weight on the seat post, I went in the garage and got my angle grinder out. I cut it off short a few inches to save 25 grams. Gzzzzzzzzzzzzt! Gzzzzt! Gzzzzzt! It makes loud noises and throws sparks and shit everywhere. It's very spectacular, uh, I mean...cool.

It's great that I'm using these manly tools to make my bike lighter because people say I have nice climbing form and I seem to float up hills. Uh...I mean, I can totally kick ass on the climbs! So, I'm building this bike with tools and stuff! I got out all the Phillips wrenches and Allen screwdrivers and all sorts of nuts and bolts and...grommets and stuff.

I think I have to scratch my crotch now.

I have no problem building shit and stuff. All I need to do is whip out these technical diagrams and my male, analytical mind is able to interpret it right off the bat.

See?


After a while, I gave up. But, that's because I went and made some meat on the grill. Yeah, I made big-ass hamburgers for dinner. To make them taste nice I like to sprinkle some Mrs. Dash in there and maybe some Parmesan cheese and pepper...

Okay, so, I better "git 'R done" and get back to work with my tools now.

These metal parts are really greasy. How do I get all this grease out from under my fingernails?

At least I'm not worried about my manliness any more.

Rarrr!