Pussy Gato

To be filed in the "once toe-bitten, twice shy" department:

The only pet I had growing up was a genetic freak of a goldfish that lived so long I had to take it to college where it survived my roommates pouring beer in his bowl. No shit, it lived 13 years.

Then, I got married and my wife talked me into getting a cat. There's a dirty joke in there somewhere.

Anyhow, I didn't want one, but eventually relented. I fell in love with the thing and then one day, he started drooling and peeing on my work papers. This really miffed me because the cat beat me to the punch. I wanted to be the one to pee on those work papers. Anyhow, he died very prematurely from the kidney stuff at the age of 8 years. So, this was rather ironic and fitting of my life that the cat who was my best buddy was outlived to the tune of 5 years by my goldfish, who was a complete nuisance and I had to drag to college with me.

This hurt, and while I was burying the cat in the back yard, I swore I'd never have a pet again.

I have a pet again.

Not my choice. But, I'm a father now, nothing's my choice. Speaking of which, the younger daughter picked him out.

The older daughter named him "Cocoa". I was lobbying for Toonces myself. It was once of my favorite SNL skits.

I think he's kinda cute. I'm not saying that just because he's my step son.

I hope he stays the hell away from that light socket.

Well, I better go now, and watch my step while I do it.

Bye.