I Got Toasted in the Church Parking Lot

On their web site, I noticed my favorite ska band, The Toasters, had a gig in Indianapolis.

So, I went.

But wait, there's more!

The venue was someplace called "ES Jungle". Sounded very tropical and enticing. And, what with this weather and a late day at work the next day, I decided it would be worthwhile to embark on a little adventure. ES Jungle didn't have a web site. Somewhere, it was referred to as "Indy's newest all ages venue." I was wary of the term "all ages" which usually means ages 18-20.

Oh well.

I mapquested it and brought my GPS thingy and pointed my car west for two hours.

I finally arrived at the exact location and found myself in the suburbs surrounded by ritzy quarter million dollar houses. Not the typical location for a club or bar. So, I drove back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and I still couldn't find anything remotely resembling a ES freakin' Jungle.

I called my wife. God bless her for letting me go on this safari, let alone providing remote technical support. She got on the web and verified I had the correct address and I was sitting right at the exact spot. The only thing nearby was a church across the street. I figured see if I could ask some of the nice Christian people attending Wednesday night mass if they knew about ES Jungle.

Turns out, the church is ES Jungle. Church was not in session. And, the stage was in the church hall downstairs.

There were some punkers outside smoking and I got right to asking the vital questions:

"When do The Toasters play?"

"Does this place have a bar?"

30 minutes and no it kinda sucks.

Church or no church, there's something wrong about attending a show completely sober. So, I went to a little quicky mart down the road and bought a small box of chardonnay, the little kind with 3 glasses of wine in them. And I drank it down, fast. I used to like chardonnay. It's not meant to be drank fast. But, I beat 30 minutes, for sure by like..27 minutes.

I went in, payed my cover and watched the show with the kids. Sans Buck, the singer and guitarist of 28 years, I was the oldest guy there. The place is even run by kids.

They were nice kids. And, I had a good time. Maybe the most fun I've ever had in church. Well, next to the time when we were kids and my brother did situps when nobody was looking in the back of the choir loft during mass. That was hilarious.

Oh. So, boy, that wine hit me. After their set, I prepared to point my car to Dayton and enjoy the nice tailwind.

But, I was tired and seeing double from the wine slam, conditions not conducive to highway driving.

So, I curled up in the back seat, used my sport jacket from work as a blankey and slept in the parking lot of ES Jungle Church.

It seemed like a very safe parking lot. Especially for a jungle.

Just for perspective: I'm 40 years old and I got drunk on 3 glasses of wine and slept in the parking lot of a church and I have work the next day.

I woke up 90 minutes later, freezing my arse off, car covered with snow.

Then, I drove home in the snow just in time to go to bed at 3:30am.

I have a headache.

So, let's review.

• Don't slam wine
• Don't go to ES Jungle if you expect to drink casually while your band plays
• Sleeping in a car in February is cold.
  

Bye.