Some thoughts about triglyceride

It seems only fitting on this day to talk about Triglyceride. Because, today is Fat Tuesday.

Triglyceride is what we call "fat". It's a semi-liquid substance with a glycerol backbone and three fatty acids. It is used for energy reserves helps to insulate you and cushion your organs.


The problem is, after winter, many people feel like their organs are too cushioned. I see some people who's organs are so cushioned they can barely walk. What kind of impact are they bracing for? I would suspect their knowledge of their organs are being extra cushioned isn't much of a consolation to them. I mean, how valuable is it that your organs be cushioned anyway? Have you ever heard of a thin person having an accident someone would have normally lived through but that particular person didn't make it through because their organs weren't cushioned enough?

"Poor Chuck, he had a lack of spleen cushioning and it dun' ruptured when he fell out that ten story buildin'..."

So, if you agree that organ cushioning is a bit overrated, what shall you do to shed some of your extra triglyceride?

Well, first of all, you need to think of yourself having a caloric budget. And, then you need to spend calories like our government spends taxpayer money. Well, under periods of war or republican administrations at least. Actually, I think those two are pretty much the same thing.

The weather is getting nicer outside. Maybe it's time for a caloric stimulus package? Do this by indiscriminately spending calories on anything no matter how useless it is, just for the sake of it because it's better than doing nothing. That's why you see fitness walkers moving their arms in such a silly fashion. Be comforted by the fact that there no possible way nature will allow for you to add triglyceride if you spend more calories than you take in. Sure, your body can burn carbohydrate and protein, but I don't want to complicate this article by presenting too many truths.

Fat has 9 calories of energy per gram. A pound of fat is 454 grams or 4,086 calories. So, if you run for an hour expending 809 calories and then refuel by eating a 250 calorie Clif Bar and wash it down with a 110 calorie Old Milwaukee Light, that's a calorie deficit of 449 calories. Just make sure the Clif Bars aren't the peanut ones, or you'll really lose weight, if you know what I mean.

So, do that 8 more times and over the long term you will have used up a pound of fat. Yay. No South Beach, no Atkins, no Weight watchers. Just burning through calories like the US Government or a person who is a credit risk.

Failure to do this, might cause further inflation.

Are you still reading this? I have a feeling some of you are just skimming and now the calculation part has scared you off. Please comment specifically to prove to me you read this part.

Realize, this is much easier said than done. Most people can't run for an hour. Also, it's hard not to overeat, because triglyceride tastes good it is certainly pretty hot and tempting. I happen to be lucky enough to sit here and pontificate because I am hyper active and I eat like a bird because I can't burp. So, I must admit, it's easy for me to say and maybe I'm being a bit insensitive.

So treat it as food for thought.

Happy Triglyceride Tuesday.

Don't be a lardass.