Want some weed?

Happy Earth Day everybody.

Yay Earth! It's my favorite planet in the solar system and if given the choice I would live on no other planet, now that Pluto's gone.

But the Earth, she frustrates me.

Like, how cum I can grow dandelions like nobody's business, but I can't grow asparagus? Aren't they both like, weeds, or weed-like?

When Mr. Sun comes out, my front lawn gets baked. This has tilted the outcome of the ongoing grass/weed wars. Last year, the Rebel Grass Alliance was handily defeating the Imperial Dandelion Empire. This year, the tables have turned. I am contemplating joining the Rebel Grass Alliance and heading to the Home Army Depot, where I will procure weapons and be forced to commit mass herbicide.

* heavy Darth Vader-like breathing *

Actually, I really don't care about my lawn that much. My neighbors all have a lawn service and there's no way I can compete with that. Their grass looks so good, I secretly want to roll naked in it. So, I suppose it's my mission to help make them look good. Fine.

But, ya wanna know what's a real kick in the grass? I have a small little patch in my backyard dedicated to growing asparagus. And guess what's growing there?

Grass.

Oiy!

So, here I am waiting for the Earth to pop an erection and reward me with some tasty asparagus and I keep having to pull up grass that I can't grow in the remaining 99% of my lawn.

Why do I put myself through this? Because I loves me some asparagus, that's why!

Why not just buy it from the store? Because it wouldn't be purple! I grow purple asparagus! You can't find that at a store.

See?

Doesn't purple asparagus turn green when you cook it anyhow? Well...yeah.

Happy Earth Day just the same.