Here's another letter: Proctor & Gamble

First, some background:

I wrote Proctor & Gamble about Head & Shoulders shampoo. I told them I was Italian and because I had hair on both my head and my shoulders, I asked if it was okay if I used their product on both my head and my shoulders.

A woman named Kimberly wrote back and told me in so many words "yes".

I guess I wasn't satisfied with that. So, I wrote Kimberly another letter:

Proctor & Gamble
Attn: Customer Relations Ms. Kimberly Vinje

To whom it may concern,

I enjoy the use of your products Metamucil and Pepto Bismol very regularly. Since my diet consists largely of banana and peanut butter sandwiches on white bread, I use them to stay "regular".

I am also very inactive (another reason for my constipation) and I love to watch the MTV network all day. One day, while watching the show "Unplugged (a show where rock bands do special acoustic concerts) I had a thought: Metamucil and Pepto Bismol should be the official sponsors of "Unplugged" since that is what they do best!

I just thought I'd share my idea with you folks since your great products have made my life easier. Please write me back and tell me what you think of my idea.

Sincerely, Mike Colonaro

P.S. It would be most appropriate if you showed a bunch of ads when the band "Hole" (featuring Courtney Love) appeared on Unplugged.

Their response, which came with a coupon for a free roll of Charmin toilet paper:


Dear Mr. Colonaro,

Thank you for contacting Proctor and Gamble about Metamucil and Pepto Bismol. We appreciate your taking time to get back in touch with us. By the way, how's the shoulder hair doing?

Mr. Colonaro, I must say your letter, while informative, was on the verge of crossing the more-than-I-need-to-know information border. Although we don't accept any advertising suggestions from outside our company, we found your letter amusing.

In fact, I may consider my own line of game shows associated with the usage of Metamucil and Pepto Bismol. Perhaps the prizes could be Charmin toilet paper or Tide with Bleach, depending on how successful the contestant. I'll need a host, so prepare your resume.

Please, if you have any questions or comments in the future, call the toll-free number listed on our product packages. Thanks again for getting in touch with us, you made my day! Hope you enjoy the enclosed.

Sincerely,

Kimberly Vinje
Consumer Relations