Altering Business Marquis Signs for Fun & Profit & More Fun

Craving a little excitement? Looking to make a statement that will shake up your local community? Then, altering the letters on business marquis signs to say silly things might be just for you!

Personally, I have decided to retire from the sport. Yes, I said sport. I guess when I turned 40, I came to the realization that life requires more responsibility and maturity of people my age. And that means my friends no longer want to accompany me on these missions because they are totally lame now, offering me excuses like "I don't want to be arrested". Pfeh...

As a 20 year veteran of marquis sign letter art, I possess a wealth of experience and knowledge of best practices. I'm looking to pass the torch to you, the young-at-heart whipper snapper who needs to express him or herself.

But, whoa there, Eager McBeaver! First, you'll need some training. And you'll need to promise to adhere to the letter changer's guidelines and honor code (LCGAHC) which follows:

1) Resulting messages should have some relevance or context

Anyone can be flat-out vulgar. Some of my early works were and consequently, shall not be mentioned in this blog. For example, that bank sign stating "come in for free mortgage analysis, CPA broker on duty" could be changed around to read all sorts of vulgar words, including the F-bomb. But, the master sign changer will fore go the F-bomb in favor of something that is not only silly, but a funny reflection of the business outside where the sign rests...


Like "come in for a free anal probe", "Anal" is an actual medical term. This was one of my finest works. It is a clear indictment of the mortgage approval process.

Or Kil Kare speedway, home of the Friday night drag races I can hear from my house miles away...

Yeah! In case you've ever been there, it's probably also true. Notice the slight imperfection in spelling, which brings about the next guideline...

2) Misspellings or Misuse of letters are only allowable when there are not enough letters to allow adherence to guideline #1.

You might need to take some liberties with some letters. For example, above, we all know "skid marks" is not spelled "scidd", but there were no more K's available. So, sometimes things have to be misspelled and make sense phonetically. Someone once suggested I should bring my own letters. Well, where's the sport in that? Each sign presents it's own unique challenge and you must accept the terms of that challenge. And that, my friends, is beautiful.

Feel free to use that "3" backwards, when you are out of "E's"...


Note, the sexual reference has context, because we're classy.

Finally:

3) Never hit an establishment more than once

4) No breaking or stealing letters

5) Don't run if someone sees you. It only draws attention to you, dumbass.

You now possess the basic tools necessary to perform some fine works of art.

Now go and make me proud.

And please invite me.